Cat Legislation #2

2.1 Lap Rights. HW will remain on human lap until good and ready to leave. No excuses (phonecall, someone at door, urgent call of nature) will be accepted - you have an answerphone; if it's important they'll ring/call back; you can control your bodily functions. Attempts to dislodge HW before he's good and ready will be met by big reproachful eyes, vociferous protest and stout resistance - passive (the 'dead weight' technique) or active (the 'grappling iron', and/or sharp nipping/clawing of fingers).

2.2 Small Items. HW reserves the right to play with any small important item (keys, favourite pen, lipstick, lighter) left on floor or other surface. HW takes no responsibility for loss or damage incurred to said items.

2.3 Access Rights. External doors/patio doors will be opened promptly when HW presents himself demanding ingress. (HW will intuit the most inconvenient moment to do this, ie just as you sit down to dine, or the opening credits roll on the movie). On approx 1 in 10 occasions this will be a genuine request; on the other 9 he will boing away with tail held aloft, and go hide in the woodpile until you're tucking in or the movie's reached a critical moment - whereupon the process will be repeated.