Thoughts of Chairman Wow

yo cats! u got slave trubble? then try mi hot tips:

to stay on lap: 1. purr n be cute - they cant resist. 2. but if they do, go boneless - u slip thru their hands an they cant get a grip. 3. hook on to garments (or flesh) - soon as they unhook 1 claw, catch on wi another. 4. keep sayin 'wah no wah no dont wanna' so they feel sorry for u. 5. kick n bite. 6. always remember slaves r weak - keep tryin till they give up, sit still n let u sleep in peace.

to find lost toys: push little things under couch till just beyond claw reach. NB - u must let em see u do this AT LEAST ONCE. wen they move couch to get things back theyll also find yor chewy golf balls n the catnip mousies u lost last month. result!

for big fun: sit outside window or patio door. give em big eyes n make wow n paw glass. when slave opens to let u in - run off laffin ha ha ha! do this many time - the power! the power! - is EXCELLENT SPORT. even better wen they chase u out n play tiggy-tail in garden - remember slaves slow n clumsy n can only catch if u let em. bonus point - theyll learn eventuly n fit u a private flappy-door. (NB - this game may not work if u already HAVE own flappy-door).